Thankful.

I can't believe it's been this long since I've written. School has kept me so busy. I seriously don't know what I would do if I wasn't in school right now. Of course, I'd probably be working, but I'm glad I'm this busy. It's still hard when I'm not. So much has happened, and I've been wanting to write, but it's been hard to find the time. The kids are doing well. Maddie is dancing, Carter's grades are improving, and Chloe is being Chloe. Greg is doing okay. Some days are great, others aren't. His back is still bothering him some, but it seems like the days are father between. He's decided not to do the internal pain pacemaker now. He's going to hold out for a while and see how things go.

My semester is over in less than two week. One down, three to go. I can't wait to get out. I had a little down time this evening after finishing a test, so the kids and I started getting Christmas decorations out. I've had a few moments and can tell the holidays are going to be a bit difficult.

Last week I went to lunch with Ms. M - she was one of Mav's nurses here in Oklahoma. We really bonded with her and just love her to pieces. It was good to chat. We talked about life in general and little Mav. I had a bit of extra time prior to meeting her for lunch, so I stopped by Target and looked at the Christmas stuff. I was looking for a white wire tree - long story - but they didn't have one. While looking around I went down the ornament aisle. We usually get the kids an ornament every year - I saw all the little baby ornaments and they made me sad. Do I still get an ornament for Mav? I probably will. Maddie asked me a few weeks ago if we could put up Mav's stocking... How are you supposed to handle all this? There is no instruction book. There isn't even a "right" way of doing things. I guess we'll just figure it out as we go along.

We're still trying to figure out what to do about Mav's headstone. The dimensions we were given were the ones I used to draw out the design for it. The company finalized the design and then we found out the dimensions we were given were wrong and it is too big and too heavy. Too heavy? That's really something I've never thought about - really, no one should ever have to think about something like that, uggh, it just makes me sick. The cemetery said they would let us do it that size since we were given the wrong information - it's been suggested we pier the headstone. We're just taking a breather right now. We don't know what we should do.

We still haven't heard from anyone at Children's about the ideas for the money. I'll update as soon as I get some feedback.

Something interesting happened this week. I have finally gotten to the place where I can start reading my Bible again (that's not the interesting part). I've started a new book/Bible study titled, "Tune In" by Jen Hatmaker. It's about hearing God. I've had a hard time with that topic since Mav died, because I really thought He was letting me know Mav would get better. I was wrong. Anyway, I was praying one night that God would just give me some kind of sign and make it very clear that things are going to be okay, that He's still here with me, and that Mav is happy and okay. The next day I had to make a trip to Oklahoma City to run an errand and I was thinking about Mav and listening to the radio. I was driving in the passing lane on the highway and thought I say the word "Mav" out of the corner of my eye. I slowed way down and turned my head to the side. I was passing a shiny red semi-truck, and on the door it said, "Maverick." That's all - or at least that's all I saw. Maverick. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think it's what I asked for. I was thankful - so thankful for that.

(Sigh) so, speaking of thankful, we're going to my uncle's house for Thanksgiving and to Greg's parent's on Friday. I love Thanksgiving food. It is my favorite, favorite, favorite. We'll get to see a lot of family - my brother and his family are coming up from Texas. We haven't seen them in quite a while - I'm looking forward to seeing everyone.

I went to lunch today with one of my favorite pilots from Mediflight. He's the one who flew Mav and I back to Oklahoma. I miss seeing all my Mediflight friends and working with the sick babies, but there is no way I could have squeezed anything else in this semester. I'm hoping next semester might be a little better. I'll still have 12 hours, but one fewer class. I'm starting on my clinical hours early- the second week in December, so I'll have 70 hours out of the way before the semester starts. There are a total of 180 clinical hours next semester.

What else? We're having family pics taken this weekend - hopefully everyone will stay well. I know there are a ton of other things I meant to write about, but I can't remember them now. I saw a neat idea on the internet and I think I'm going to do it. It's a memory jar. Decorate up a good sized jar however you want. When the kids say those funny things you want to remember or when something memorable happens, you write it down on a little piece of paper and put it in the jar. You all probably have amazing memories and don't need a memory jar. I'll post a pic when we get it fixed up.

Okay, well, it's very late and I need to go to bed. This post wasn't meant to be too depressing. We're doing okay, I think this is just a difficult time of year. Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Love you all, jc