Busy days and sleepless nights

Today Chloe and I met my sister, Heather, in OKC for the art's festival. She brought her baby, Addison. I brought the nice double stroller my friends at Mediflight got for us, and Chloe and Addie got to stroll in style. I was pushing it as we were going back to the vehicle and Chloe looked up at me, scrunched her eyebrows, and said, "This stroller was for me and Maverick." I said, "You're right."
Little Addie, isn't she cute!

We had fun while we were there. Chloe painted a piece of pottery and it was fired while we walked around. She was so meticulous with her painting. She followed all the instructions to a T and reminded me of them several times, especially, "Not paint the bottom." She's a bit like her mom...

While we were there, we had to eat, of course. We had a gyro and a huge chocolate sundae. She loved them both. I have the cutest pic of her with the sundae. Here it is.



Tomorrow is Carter's second grade field trip. We're going to the zoo. He's looking forward to it. Maddie commented to me today in the vehicle that I didn't get to go on her field trip. I told her that considering everything that was going on, I thought she should understand. She made a little comment, "I'm just saying, I'm only in sixth grade once." I said, "Maverick was only here for five months." That was the end of the conversation. I know they're just kids and it was very hard on them not having us around much, but I still wouldn't have had it any other way. No regrets, that was my goal and still is. I've told Greg one of the things I've regretted is not being able to hold Mav more before the first surgery when he was first born. I held him in the delivery room and again for about an hour or two before his first surgery. I should've been more assertive and told them I was holding him everyday, lines or not.


Greg and I were talking last night - while neither of us could sleep - that we have really learned to enjoy each moment. I remember being in Mav's room several different times when things weren't going so well. If I looked at the whole picture, it was overwhelming. I just told myself, "Focus on now. Enjoy this moment." That would usually help me. It's helping me still, but for the complete opposite reason. "Focus on now with the kids. Enjoy this moment, instead of..." I will be telling myself that frequently tomorrow. Tomorrow it will be two months.


Some things are getting better. I realized last night, as I was awake in bed, that I held a friend's newborn a few days ago and enjoyed it without relating it directly to Maverick. I did the same today with Addison. Every baby isn't such a jab to my soul as it used to be. That's good, because I love babies. It felt so foreign and wrong to be put-off by them.


I'm having sleep issues again. I was taking nothing at all, then went back to Tylenol PM, now that's not working. I'll be a grumpy mom at the zoo if I don't get some sleep tonight. I'm looking forward to my time with Carter tomorrow. It seems like we don't have a lot of time with just the two of us anymore. Well, I better go for now. Love you all - jc