The kids had a good weekend. It was a bit cool on Saturday for the Easter egg hunt, but it warmed up nicely after that. Sunday was cool and rainy. We decided to stay home from church - Mav would've been seven months old on Easter. It was a difficult day for Greg and me. We watched a sermon on the internet, and I made lunch. The kids hid eggs in the house and had plastic egg fights. We all went to the cemetery late in the afternoon.
The internet sermon was by Craig Groschel at LifeChurch.tv. We used to attend there several years ago. The series was titled "Can You See Him?" and was from Luke 24. He talked about how God is there in the difficult times, even when you can't see him. He said the more difficulties you've been through, the easier it is to see him in the middle of your difficult times. I'm just paraphrasing, but that's what it meant to me. It really hit home with the emotions we're going through right now. They'll still have it online to check out if you're interested.
After we went to the cemetery, we drove around different neighborhoods and looked at houses that were for sale. We love to look at houses. When we were still in college and dirt poor, we would go to the nicest neighborhoods in Edmond and go through all the model homes. We love to remodel and add our own style to houses. We're on our fourth one here in Shawnee. We found one on Sunday that interested us a bit. It has potential. If you would have asked me one week ago if I would consider moving, I would have said a big "no." Today, I'm wondering if it might be good to have a new start and a new project. We're both thinking it might be good. We'll see what happens.
Today, Chloe and I did some shopping. I had some coupons and we got some really good deals. When we were on the way to CVS (she had her doll right beside her), she said, "I wish we had a weal baby." "Me too." I said. She still makes comments daily about Maverick. Sometimes, out of the blue, she'll say, "Some babies die, wight mom?" I'm wondering if when you experience a loss so close to you at such a young age, if maybe death seems more normal...
Greg and the kids are doing fine. Greg went back to work and had a pretty good day today. His back is sore this evening, though. The kids went to school and had nothing bad to report. I'll
take that as good. We have a big day coming soon. Maddie's birthday is on Wednesday. She'll be twelve! It's so hard to believe.
Well, enough for now. I posted lots of pics from the past week. Hope you all are doing well. Love you all, jc
Blindsided
10 years ago
4 comments:
Juli,
My name is Jaime, and I live in Edmond. I found your blog when I saw Maverick's obituary in the paper, which just ripped my heart out. I've been following you ever since. Many times I have thought about sending you a message, but didn't know what to say. This post was the spark that got me to write. See, I attend Life Church, and during the sermon on Saturday night, I was thinking of you. I prayed that God would somehow allow you to see that message, and now I see He did. He is so Good!! I want you to know that God is with you during this terrible time, and He is using you and your experience in ways that you cannot imagine. I, for instance, have been on my knees more than ever praying for you and your family, which has brought me closer to Him than ever before - 2 months ago, I just spoke to Him when I needed Him. Now, I pray quite often, and I am beginning to see how He works (like you seeing that message, which currently has me in awe!). I have 3 children of my own, and I cannot imagine your loss and your pain, but I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Sincerely,
Jaime Waldenville
Jaime,
Thank you so much for your prayers. It's amazing to see how God works - I haven't watched a sermon from Life in over a year. I know that God is with us, but with all this hurting it's so hard to see Him and understand why.
Juli,
I understand completely what you mean - it is very hard to see Him through all of this. As Craig said, it is when we look back at the hard times that we see God's hands through it all. Of course, it will take time for you to look back in that rearview mirror and see what He did through your loss. I don't know if you will ever know or understand why all of this has happened. I wish I had the answers. More importantly, I wish I could take your pain away. All I can do is pray that God lifts you in his arms of comfort, and wraps you with His peace. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It just isn't fair.
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly on your blog. Many of our friends and family are praying for you.
Sincerely,
Jaime
As I still am so hurt by my loss when I was 11 years old...death has so many unanswered questions...even as I have grown up. 39 years later knowing God is good..feeling His majestic presence and knowing He provided for us and allowed us to have the most precious, loving step dad...there are still little twinges of what if? how could that have worked? what does he look like now? would he be proud of me and think my kids are amazing? Of course when I was young if you saw a counselor..someone had failed...your mom or whoever. So you depended on your family and pastor to answer all your needs. Looking back...I needed counselling. I reemember so many times how immediate death was on my heart..when someone was late getting home, sick or not in their place. Just know you and Greg are so important to Chloe, Maddie and Carter. They are so lucky to have you and I know God has plans to use Mav as he continues to do so! What an amazing little baby! Loved by so many and living on through his amazing family:)
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