Anyone who knows me knows I don't like to cry. I don't watch sad movies - why deliberately make yourself cry? So, I've been trying to stay busy. I rearranged the living room yesterday and got out some of my art books. I love to paint, but haven't since before Chloe was born. I may start that back up soon. Today the adgenda included putting up laundry, cleaning out the refrigerator, and spending time with the kids. I slept in until 11:00. That is so out-of-character for me, but I haven't been able to sleep well and haven't been going to bed until after 1:00am. I had a dream about Mav last night. He was in a hospital somewhere and I went in to see him and argued with the nurse about taking his temperature because I thought he had a fever. I held him up on my chest and he had no tubes taped to his face. He smiled and gave me eskimo kisses. That's all I remember.
Today I've been telling myself to suck it up. It's just my selfishness that makes me cry. I know he's in a better place and isn't hurting. My kiddos here need me. That's the talk in my head. Greg said it's not the selfishness that makes me cry, it's the mother in me. Guess what? That made me cry.
Well, tomorrow is the start of a new day and a new kind of normal. Maddie and Carter go back to school, Greg goes back to work, and I'll spend the day with Chloe. I was talking to a friend today and realized I probably haven't spent a day alone with her quite awhile - at least since before Mav was born if not longer. We have some catching up to do.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to post the slide show and some pics from the funeral. Thanks for your prayers - jc
5 comments:
I have been thinking of you, praying for you and crying for you since reading the story in the News-Star. I hope you have a great day tomorrow with Chloe. I think you are a strong, admirable woman and in no way selfish. Get some much needed rest and I hope you have a good week. I have some ideas for a fundraiser for the echo machine. I hope to possibly meet you soon. Sending you my love and prayers. Gena
Hi Aunt Juli,
Ok, hopefully this message goes through. I wrote a long one just a second ago and it didn't go so I shall try again. We have been thinking and praying for you guys often. I believe that the dream you had recently was meant to bring you comfort. Dreams can tell us many things. The eskimo kisses was a sign from baby Mav that he is ok and that he loves you. I want you to know that Jason and I are here when you need us. We love hanging out with our cousins. Carter had fun playing with Jay and Mike this weekend. And Chloe loves her "Teefy". LOL! I told Uncle Greg that Jay and I might come and hang out next Saturday. Maybe take the kids to see a movie. Maybe you and I can go do lunch sometime. I have a pretty flexible schedule. I love you.
Love,
Jay and Steph (aka:Teefy)
Hi Juli,
You are far from being selfish. Please don't feel that way.
My sister, Connie, passed away a little over 8 years ago. I was the strong one...strong for her family, strong for my parents. I didn't cry much. A couple of months later, the dam broke...for days I cried. Connie came to me in a dream. She looked beautiful and told me she was happy and felt great and wanted me to know she was fine and not to worry. Poof she was gone and I haven't seen her since. I truly believe it was her coming to me to let me know all was okay. I believe Mav was doing the same to you. He loves you and Greg and wanted you to know he is doing fine and without pain.
I'm also glad you kept the monkey...anything that will help bring you peace. Be patient, allow yourselves time to grieve.
Hugs and prayers coming your way,
Sherry
love you!
Dej
This picture makes me smile. I love it!
Sarah
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