Baby Maverick

This blog was created to keep family and friends updated on what's going on with the pregnancy, birth, and surgical plan for Maverick. We'll also be able to keep everyone updated during his surgery and recovery and hopefully be able to show you some cute pictures of him, Maddie, Carter and Chloe along the way.

This was the original intent; however, when we started this blog we had no idea the twists and turns our lives would take. Our sweet baby Maverick was born September 12, 2008 with Transposition of the Great Arteries, ASD, and VSD. We expected to have a baby boy to bring home three to four weeks after his surgery. He had numerous complications after his arterial switch and fought through many that would have taken the life from an adult. He passed away February 24, 2009 - without ever coming home.

This blog is now a place I share my feelings, work through the grief, remember Maverick, and try to make sense out of our life without him. I hope in doing so I am giving a name and a face to babies everywhere born with congenital heart defects.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Skating today

Today was Chloe's first time to skate. She did really well, and they all had a great time. She said some of the sweetest things today. I've always done this thing with my kids where I say, "Who loves you?" Then sometimes they tease me and tell me other names and I keep saying, "who else?", but they know the answer I'm looking for is, "you." I said this to Chloe today and she said, "You." Then she paused for a moment and said, "You love me aalllll day long." Awww, how sweet. The other thing happened when I asked Carter if he wanted to spend the night with a friend tonight. He did, of course. Chole said, "Carta, I weally miss you when you spend da night wis Kirk." I wish I would've written down all the sweet things Maddie and Carter said. I'm trying to keep the kiddos - and myself busy this week. I'm determined to try to keep life enjoyable for them, regardless of how sad I feel. It's still been tough, though.

I was so happy to have the blood drive last night. It made me feel like something good is coming from all this, but when I got home I was exhausted. I was getting a headache - they seem like they're coming more frequently (I'm sure it's just stress). I just went to bed. I have another one tonight.

I've been thinking today about what kind of charity I would like to get involved in at some point. That's one of the things I keep thinking - that somehow, I have to make this into a positive. I know how he has impacted so many lives and made people appreciate their kids, and I'm glad for that. He's made me appreciate my life and my other kids more as well, but I'm still just so sad. Daily, I think about my last moments with him and I cry. I'm not sure when or if this will ever change.

We have many friends, lots of family and a great church. I don't know if this is "normal" or not - heck, nothing about any of this is normal - but right now I find the greatest comfort in being with my husband, kids, and my friends. My friends are the ones who are able to make me laugh and distract me right now. We can still talk like we did before all this. I mean no disrespect to my family at all by this, but they are grieving just like we are now. When I talk to them, I want to cry. I know they're still saddened by all this and want to talk about it, but it's so hard for me to talk about right now. So, call me abnormal, but I'm just telling the truth. I've found that laughter is like a little firefly in this darkness. It's light is short-lived, but things are a little brighter when it's there.

I suppose this is enough rambling for tonight. I need to get to bed. Love you all, jc


Bill and Mary said...

You're such an awesome Mom! I am so glad the blood drive was a huge success. God Bless.

Anonymous said...

Hi Juli,

The kids made me smile with their skating skills. Thanks for sharing the videos! Carter skated like a hockey player :) The girls are so pretty.

Hey, at one time you blogged you were getting something to help you sleep. I have been on Ambien for a couple of years now and it really helps me sleep, but I've been having headaches too. The doctor said that's a side effect of Ambien. So, just wanted to pass that along in case you are on that.

Of course, you are not abnormal and you just need to do what is best for you. There's no book on how to handle this other than it just takes time. You will have good days and bad days but the bad days will get less and less.

I'm very glad you are out and about with your little ones. I'm sure they bring you lots of love and joy.

Again, thanks for sharing.



Dianna Black said...

Next time Carter comes over we will just have to grab the Chloemeister too!! We will just have to have a double family campout! Hugs to you Chloe :)

Anonymous said...

I have only been following your journal since your precious boy went to Heaven, but only because I didn't know about it sooner. Everyday I want to read what you have to say. I am a mother of a 3 yr old girl and expecting another child later this year. I enjoy when you write about Chloe, b/c it reminds me of all the sweet things my daughter says and does. Too many to count, that's for sure! I want you to know that when I recently found out I was pregnant again, I wasn't exactly jumping for joy. I wasn't looking ahead to all the joys this child would bring to our life, like our older child, but instead, I was only thinking selfishly and how the timing just wasn't "right" for many reasons. You, just reading your thoughts, have helped me to realize what a selfish idiot I was being. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough. I wanted to come to the blood drive this week, but was informed that I cannot donate while pregnant. Please just know that my heart goes out to you everyday. You are such an incredible child of God and there is no doubt that you will overcome this.

Aunt Pat said...

Thank you for sharing your spring break with us. The kids are special as you already know.