Today was the day we were supposed to try to get "back-to-normal." It didn't happen. I stayed in bed while Greg, Maddie, and Chloe were supposed to be getting up and getting ready for the day. I got out of bed around 8:00 to let the dog outside and found everyone sacked out in various places around the house. I asked Greg if he was going to take them to school and he said, "not today." Okay, maybe tomorrow... It still won't be normal, though. The last 5 1/2 months haven't been normal. Actually, the last year hasn't been normal - and so far this year isn't looking too promising.
To complicate things, it seems I've cried so much and blown my nose so much over the past week that I developed a sore on my nose. It has obviously become infected, and last night before I went to bed my nose was about twice it's normal size. Greg told me to call our friend, Kent, and have some antibiotics called in - right then. I protested and said it could wait until the morning, but he called him anyway telling me that it would be awful to end up septic from a sore on your nose. Dovie and Dejah (two of my girlfriends) came by to see me today and one called me Pinocchio. It made me laugh.
My sweet friend Dejah is the one who made the slideshow for Mav's funeral. It was just perfect. She is also responsible for posting it - I'm not too good with complicated computer stuff. She's also the one who took the pregnancy pics at the beginning of it. If you need any pictures taken, she's amazing. Her website is www.dejahquinn.com. Thanks so much. It made me cry again when I watched it on the blog.
I had another dream last night. In this one I was going into a restaurant and asked for a highchair. The waitress brought it to the table and placed it at the end. I looked at it and then realized I didn't have a baby to put in it. Then I woke up. So cruel, but so true. I sure do miss the little guy. I sat at the computer for awhile today and just looked at pictures of him.
I've been blessed to have some friends in my life who have lost children, and from what I'm hearing, all this is normal. Maybe not normal - I guess "to be expected" would be better terminology. I'm going to try to get with them sometime soon. It might help to know what to expect.
On to more positive thoughts, our church, Immanuel Baptist is hosting a blood drive in honor of Maverick Wednesday, March 18th from 3pm to 8pm. I'll post reminders as the date gets closer. I hope to have a great turn-out. If you're scared of needles, be brave - Mav was. Love you all - jc
Blindsided
11 years ago
4 comments:
You said something in a earlier post that's awfully wise; life will be a "new kind of normal". I wish for you freedom from sadness but I know it's because you love so much that you are so deeply sad. You loved Mav all the way and never gave up hope for his healing; which makes this new kind of normal much harder - but I believe it will also make your future actually much brighter. You are loved so much, and Mav is very much missed.
Love you,
Jamy
With time normal will be redefined. It will never be the same and it isn't supposed to be the same. Mav brought a whole new love into your life and a whole new appreciation of life into all our hearts. I hurt for you and pray continually that God will provide each of you with the continued strength to move forward together. You blessed us all so much by sharing Mav and he is so terribly missed. He has a piece of my heart as well. Love you all. -gordona
Though I do not know your family, I do feel for you all as a whole. I spent most of my life in Oklahoma and now live in GA...I too, am a mom to a young boy and expecting a second child. I'm reminded by your blog and your beautiful picture collage of how important family and friends are during times of need. As a mom and wife, you seem so strong and very committed to your family. I in no way can imagine what you're going through, but I have enjoyed learning about your family and your journey. Your newest blog about going 'back to normal' brought many memories back to me and my family for our last year. I found out last February that at 27 I had a brain tumor and my first thought was my 1 year old son and how our world was going to completely change. I hope no one will tell you what your new normal is supposed to be because even with help, love, support and extended family, you'll come to know what 'normal' is for you and your family in time. Lastly, what a terrific name you and your husband chose for your strong, young man...Maverick, it speaks volumes...especially when you're a TopGun fan!! No matter how long it takes, I hope your family can heal and continue to keep great memories going of such a beautiful boy and his siblings. Your blog is pretty therapeutic too, you may never know how many hearts you touch with your story and journey.
Sincerely,
Christie Hardy
Atlanta, GA
I left a comment a while back, and like ive said before I do not know you but I have followed your blog since I read about your baby in the news star..i check it daily, and usually find myself in tears as I can not imagine what you are going through, but I do know that you are so strong. Although we are complete strangers your son's journey and story has touched me to the depth of my soul. You are thought about & prayed for daily. Stay strong and find comfort in God's healing.
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