The past couple of days

Yesterday we went to the zoo. It was the first day of spring break and I heard there were over 10,000 people there. It was crowded, but really not too bad. The kids had fun. We were even on the local news at 6:00 - channel 9. One of my friends is really good at "positioning" for such opportunities, so she was interviewed and there were some brief shots of the other parents and various kids. This was Chloe on the way home. She was worn out. For those of you who are wondering, her shirt says, "Biker Girl." One of our friends made it for her after reading the biker story about her here on the blog.

There were lots of sweet baby boys at the zoo. I couldn't help but stare. Some were about six months, like Mav would be. There was one that caught my eye as we were feeding the fish and ducks. From behind he looked just like Carter when he was about two. He had light blond hair and had it spiked up on top. It really got to me. Maverick looked so much like Carter, and I knew I wouldn't get to see him at that cute age.

We were supposed to go swimming today, but I just couldn't do it. Last night and this morning were really tough for me. Greg has been having a hard time, too. It doesn't seem like this is getting any easier. However, I refuse to stay in bed all day and cry - not that they would let me anyway. I'm doing my best to keep things somewhat normal for them. I think they've become accustomed to seeing me cry as I'm folding laundry or doing things around the house. I just do the best I can.

I've been having dreams about him again. He's healthy in all of them. He was laughing in one. I was holding him on my hip and had his little foot in my hand in another. I actually enjoy them, but they make me cry at the same time. I really just wish I had him here. I go through everything in my mind and can't help but think about the "what if's." I can't even begin to go through the huge list of them that go through my mind. I know I can't change anything now, but my mind goes there anyway.

On a more productive note, the blood drive is tomorrow. I've been told all the slots are full. I didn't even realize they were having people call ahead to sign up. They may be able to take a few walk-ins, I'm just not sure. Thanks to everyone who is helping and everyone who has signed up to donate. This is really a great way to impact lives. You may never know who's life you helped save. I know numerous people helped Maverick along the way. Greg and I are planning to be there. I hope I get to meet some of you who have been following on the blog. It will be nice to put a name with a face. If you don't live close-by, consider donating in your area tomorrow. Love you all, jc