This was Mav's grave the first Sunday after his funeral. I don't know why, but Sundays are difficult for me. I'll cruise through the morning and by late afternoon, it's hard. This is where I go and sit for awhile and cry and think. We haven't been back to church yet. About Wednesday of every week, I think, "Okay, I'm ready to go back this weekend." It seems like by Sunday I'm drained. I'm worried about walking into the sanctuary. The last time I was there his little coffin and flowers were up at the front. I'm concerned that's what I'll think about and I'll just lose it. The weekends are so hard - even if we stay busy. I'm okay while we're busy, but you can't stay busy all day. I can't really even explain it. I think it's because we went so many months without all being together on weekends, it makes me realize we're all together because Mav's no longer here.
Today I finally threw away the flowers, then the kids and I went outside and played. I have the hydrangea from the funeral I want to plant, so I tried to decide where and how to make a flower bed. I think I have it figured out. Maddie cleaned out the car in preparation for the trip to the zoo tomorrow. She handed me a toy plane and bow from Mav's arrangement from his grave (it was in the car). I went to put it in a little box in the house - it has some sets of his footprints in it. I picked up a newspaper that was laying beside it and it had the article the Shawnee News Star printed shortly after his death. I just lost it - I went and cried with Greg, then I went to the cemetery.
The kids are looking forward to this week. It will be good to be around all of them. My phone is letting me send pics again. I'll post several this week. Love you all - jc
2 comments:
Hi Juli,
My heart aches for you. I understand about how you feel about returning to church. It was difficult for me when my sister died 8 years ago. Every time I went to church I cried, but everyone was very understanding and gave me my space during that time. Just know that it gets a little easier each week.
Would it be helpful for you to return to the sanctuary one day through the week for a visit?
Just remember the Lord has you wrapped in his arms and will take care of you. All you have to do is ask.
One day at a time my friend....
Enjoy the zoo with your precious ones.
Love,
Sherry
My name is Paula Haney, my maiden name is Motley. The Clark family and the Motley's have known each other for years in Tecumseh, small town stuff. My mom, my husband and myself worked with Marilyn at COJC for years. I started reading this after I saw it in the paper. You all are so brave. One of the things I have done with flowers after a funeral is to dry them and then have them used in a grapevine wreath that you can hang somewhere in your house. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
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